Reflecting on Divorce

Numerous marriages in the latter-day world are at terrible risks of being broken; some of them have already seen the face of divorce tearing them apart. Some have even broken without any formal procedure, even if the partners went through all the ceremonial processes to get betrothed to their loved ones. The evil one has sown so much confusion in the estate of marriage such that even differences which would be settled overnight exist for ages in families and finally tear the couple apart.

But, out of any marriage breakage, it is not usually the parted parties that suffer. Usually, it is the children – in cases where the family had them – and sometimes even other relatives. The suffering may not necessarily be material of monetary, but mostly emotional. There is no pain in life as the pain that smoulders within the heart.

Sometimes, even if the couple has reached a mutual agreement that they should sever their matrimonial ties, for the sake of the children, it is wise to reconsider the decision and continue living together. Of course, most people who have found themselves craving for a divorce have usually argued that they have reached the painful decision of separating with their loved ones because of genuine reasons. The world may indeed understand, but to God, there is no sin which mankind cannot forgive.

In very delicate matrimonial hiccups, love is the most significant thing that counts. Love covers a multitude of sins; love looks at an individual as a potential failure who can be given a second, third, fourth, even hundredth chance.

Marriage is an entity that was fully ordained by God himself in the Garden of Eden when he gave Eve to Adam to be his wife. And in Genesis 2:23-24 as well as Mark 10:8, the Bible says that when two are joined together in marriage, they are no longer two, but one, and that God is not interested in any kind of divorce whatsoever.

If a man and a woman have decided to enter into the estate of marriage, they become one and no matter how miserably their marriage is progressing, they are supposed to remain one. Divorce, in God’s eyes, is not an option except in specific situations, like where one member of the marriage estate has committed adultery – and even then, forgiveness and rebuilding are usually best. Forgiveness is greater than a chemist’s drug and a surgeon’s knife. It heals deep wounds which no drug in the world can.

And Matthew 19:6 records that “therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” This implies that it should be by God’s command only that marriage may be broken, and this is where the issue of adultery comes in. The only reason which the bible gives as enough to permit a marriage divorce is adultery. Yet, this as well is not automatic, for the Bible itself teaches us to forgive one another. The process may be painful and may involve hard work, but the results are worth the effort since God is glorified.

Complete commitment to one’s marriage provides a basis of fidelity and trust. A partner always feels incomplete without the other and finds happiness in the company of their spouse. In such a way, they are able to go through tough times but always make godly solutions because there is a special connection between them. A lack of commitment erodes the couple’s strength and determination. It can lead to tragedy, and couples that are entangled in this mire can easily reach the decision to divorce.

In Malachi chapter 2 verse 16, it is recorded: ‘“I hate divorce,’ says the Lord God of Israel.” And in this case, if the institutor of marriage himself says he hates divorce, it only means divorce, whatever the case, cannot please God. And the Bible further says that in everything we do, we should do as unto the Lord.

Much as marital unfaithfulness is the only ‘sin’ that may lead to divorce, these days, marriages are seldom broken on this basis. Most men and women of today simply choose to part ways with their partners after attaining a higher social status. Some reach the decision to break their matrimonial testament after ‘finding’ another partner.

Some even choose to desert their loved ones after having discovered that s/he is not as ‘hot’ in the spirit as they are. But, this again is not enough to warrant divorce. In his first letter to the Church at Corinth, Paul the Apostle said that if any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him (1 Corinthians 7:12-13). The most important thing is to pray for the unbeliever so that s/he can become a believer.

Love is something that holds the couple together through difficult moments of life and implores them to improve where they were failing.

Divorce – whether it was done after a partner committed adultery or not – always has painful consequences. It has terrible effects on your relationship with your God; you also damage your spouse’s as well as your own reputation; you wound your children and family members, including friends. Above everything, you create a platform for future pain for yourself and bring shame upon the name of Christ.

However, it has to be acknowledged that Jesus said you may divorce if your spouse commits adultery. Nevertheless, he did not make this a command; he merely pointed out that it is permissible. Thus, love and forgiveness should be the overriding entity in marriages. As such, divorces will be avoided.